Transcript of the Presidents Speech

I have fellow mutts that got their paws on the transcript of the presidents speech from Monday.

Below are the ACTUAL words spoken by President Bush.

Good evening my fellow Americans. Tonight I come to you with an admission, an admission of my complete lack of responsibility to the American people. I have been asleep at the wheel of this great nation. I will now correct this terrible mistake. I am now aware of the greatest problem facing our nation. The illegal border crossings of our southern border. Tonight I will address and tell the American people what is now underway.

First, I have given our regular Army the assignment to invade and secure the new 51st state, Canada, we will now be able to secure and start production of our oil in the great state of Canada, sorry Texas, you are no longer one of the largest states in our great nation.

By making Canada our 51st state, we will no longer have to worry about the northern border. Also I won't have to listen to the previous Canadian government complain about our vessels in the northern waters. Enough said about Canada.

Now to the matter at hand, our southern borders.

I will be deploying the National Guard to patrol, arrest and detain any person caught trying to enter our great nation illegally. I know President Fox is going to be upset, but to him I say, GET OVER IT, you have done nothing to help your own people, you have ignored human rights and are one of the most corrupt countries. Since I have said I wanted the borders of Iraq to be secure, I knew I was a putz for not paying attention to our own borders.

The Guard will be allowed to carry their weapons, use of those neat Hummers, the Apache and other helicopters, our newest technology, the Drones and they will be allowed to engage the Mexican Federallies should any try and cross over into our great nation. These government coyotes will no longer aid the drug runners and lords, they will if seen, be treated the same way we did to Sudam, I have authorized the use of our new Federally Bomb. This bomb is similar to our Bunker Busting Bomb, only a little smaller. For every illegal alien caught crossing our border, I have decided that one card carrying ACLU member will be also rounded up and sent back across the border with them.

Next, I will make the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement department start doing their job. They will effective Tuesday morning, raid and arrest the CEO and possibly the complete Board of Directors of Tyson Meats, and Cargil, as we know they are some of the largest employers of illegal aliens. I know my buddy Ray "The Hoodlum" LaHood will be upset, but Ray, I have become a man, I recommend you do the same.

As for those already here, I know many have said you can't round them all up, but I say they just don't know the power of the IRS. The IRS will now be aiding in the rooting out and identification of all illegal immigrants. As each one is caught, they will be returned to their mother country, be it Mexico, China, Iran or any nation that they belong to, the Canadians get a pass as we now own the great 51st state of Canada.

As for our lackluster Congress and Senate, I can see that you are also to blame, you have ignored the great people of the United States and have instead decided to listen to the lobbyist and special interest groups. You are no longer allowed to stay in Washington DC, you will have to work out of the areas that elected you. When we need your vote, I will be using that new Microsoft thing that lets us do our conferences on the Internet. Also I will allow every computer geek to smack Al Gore in the nape of his neck, each time he says he invented the Internet.

So, as I stand here tonight, sorry for not listening, I want the American people to know I am truly sorry.

Goodnight, and God Bless America.